The Grumpy Man

I’m a man who likes the plain and simple things in life. I’ll take my steak medium-rare with the sauce on the side. If I ever order a Big Mac, something which I haven’t done in a number of years, I take it plain with “Just the cheese, please”.

On Friday I had the fortune to be granted a day off work in order to go to my wife’s “graduation” – she now has letters after her name, how cool is that? Anyhow, in the morning we were doing a spot of shopping in Dublin. I think we’d both agreed that we weren’t actually going to buy anything but I was happy for her to go into Brown Thomas and look at the expensive jackets and dresses on the first floor. A more realistic option is to bypass the first floor and head straight to the second floor where prices are more reasonable (I use the word reasonable under advisement), but where’s the fun in that. Leaving Brown Thomas empty handed, something the wife never seems to be able to do when she’s in Dublin with her mates, we decided to get some coffee.

Off we trundled to a nearby cafe where I ordered a coffee and an Apple Danish. Something to take the wetness off the drink as my gran would have said. A couple of minutes later the food arrived. The danish was very different to any one I had had before. I’ve tasted a lot of Apple Danish’s in my time, although never one in Denmark, but this was by far the best Danish I’d ever had. The pastry was light and fluffy with the apple content being just enough to provide ample taste but not too much so that half of it ends up splurting out the sides.

You’d think that after a fine cup of coffee and a delightful Apple Danish I’d have walked out of that cafe the happiest man alive, and yet I didn’t. You see, the Apple Danish had come served on a serviette. Why is it that eateries do that? Why do they feel the need to put a serviette/napkin on the plate before placing the food on it? What ends up happening is the serviette becomes soggy, you cut can’t cut your food properly for fear of getting bits of paper in it and you end up lifting the serviette off the plate and placing it to the side giving you both sticky hands and a sticky table.

In future, when I’m ordering food, am I going to have to order the serviette on the side as I do with the sauce and my steak?